Kaante

Lately, I have been trying to avoid getting into situations where a Bollyflick has the potential to enter my life when I least expect it. I must admit that I have not been too succesful on that front however. This Christmas season I suffered through Kaante due to a bold and surprising move by an over enthusiastic host that was suddenly experiencing a watan separation nostalgic moment or two.

Ofcourse, by now everyone and their appa knows that this movie ripped off a few pulp influences - notably Reservoir Dogs. Sadly, the execution was much wanting. All we got to see was a series of fast images with some stop motion shots for effects that are by now so 2000's, all contained in a loose and highly delusional story line.

So there are these 6 desi guys whose professional credentials seem to run from bar bouncer, crack addict/dealer, pimp, software something, and an aspiring businessman with a big rap sheet. Fate colludes to bring them together in a LA prison. Apparently, the LAPD rounds up desis everytime theres a a bit of a fuss. I suppose the desis are not the accha doodh peeta bacchas corporate machine drones by day, and bahngra rap styles posers by night any more. Well, anyway, Amitabh makes a hugely astute observation that unless Indians run the crime syndicates in the US , we will never be taken seriously as a communinty. Wah, Amitabh - interesting that you wont do commercials for products you find are unhealthy lifestyle wise. Too bad you didnt make the same sort of stand for your obscene movie choices.

Then there's the bouncer, Sunil Shetty, who's in love with a stipper (Malaika Arora) at the club he regularly harasses patrons in. She agrees to shack up with him if he can find his own ghar and gaadi. Some relationships are clearly made in heaven.

Right, and there are some other murky characters in this movie such as Sunjay Dutt, Lucky Ali and someone else. They all get together to rob a bank, and it all ends rather badly when they discover that the cops have been tipped off by a mole in their unit. Now this clueless crew must figure out whodunit. Much aimless killing and shooting and flying off handles later, pretty much everyone comes out behind - save one.

Your job, should you rent this excuse for a movie, is to find out who the winner is. Cos it certainly isn't you.